Read more about the Having It Both Ways project here.
Do you have a few thousand dollars lying around? Then you could find the love of your life in just 6 months. In my journey to find love I was recommended a dating service called It’s Just Lunch that offers a match making service with people who are only interested in long term relationships. My lesbian friend Tiffany (married) suggested it to me after saying she doesn’t really know any single women in the city.
So I checked out their website, signed up for a phone call, and then started looking up information about them. They don’t have the best reputation online. Comments are filled with people who felt like they were matched with people who did not meet their expressed expectations and the service is really expensive, so women felt like they’d been had.
How expensive? For $2100 for 6 months ($79 each month after) they’ll set you up with at least 2 dates a week. But a payment plan was totally acceptable. The problem… it’s only heterosexual dating. Not because they’re averse to the LGBT community, they just don’t have the clients and staffing availability to do that. The woman on the phone assured me she hopes to get to a point where they can provide both services but said that right now she has an abundance of single men in my age range she could set me up with. But if I wanted women, I should use Mixology.com the partnering site like It’s Just Lunch that does lesbian relationships.
Her concern, however, was that 3 months down the road I would come back to her and say “You know… I just really want to be with a woman so…. yeah… I’m moving on.” She wanted an assurance that I wouldn’t say that. I didn’t know. I’m not opposed to being with a man if that man is capable of having personality traits that I value in my female relationships. Can he be romantic, can he be inquisitive, socially conscious, connected to the world around him in a spiritual or philosophical way (in addition to the typical male attributes I love such as spontaneous and adventurous)? Then I could fall in love with him.
GREAT! She replied. Let’s talk about doing an intense interview and setting up your account. I told her I should think about it a little more and call her back.
Then I went to Mixology and filled out a profile. My options – women seeking women… only. I filled in the profile and a few hours later received a call from their Executive Director who was so excited to hear about my interest and talk to me about connecting with wonderful lesbians in DC who would like to have long term relationships. I didn’t mention I’d spoken to It’s Just Lunch about meeting men, nor did I correct her when she assumed I was a lesbian.
“Are you ready to have a long term relationship with a woman?” she asked. That’s a loaded question isn’t it? Can that woman be spontaneous, adventurous, inquisitive, socially conscious, intelligent, political, and NOT want to bring a cat and a U-Haul on the second date? Then …. yes… I think I am.
How much? $2500 for 6 months – all up front. YOU PAY NOW! But their initial interview is free so they can figure out if they have a client base that would work for me. I have an appointment on Tuesday.
I wish I had a spare $5000 to do both services and report back, but this project is not exactly an affordable option to someone who pays as much as I do for a one bedroom apartment in Washington DC. I guess it’s a dating service for the 1%. Or at the very least a dating service for upper middle class professions who don’t have the time or interest to troll around on OKCupid or HowAboutWe and find love.
The most discouraging thing is that I can’t really be myself with either dating service even if I COULD afford them. Your options for the LGBT group Mixology couldn’t really work for bisexuals because the only dates they find are for gay men and gay women. So – the only dudes they have access to aren’t going to be into me at all. The same is true for ItsJustLunch. Since they only do heterosexual relationships they’ve got straight people galore and the women there are likely not interested in someone like me.
Bisexuality is a real thing, ya know. And women are more able to have a fluidity to their sexuality because we don’t necessarily fall in love with the way someone looks – we tend to fall in love with a connection we have with that person. So often for women it’s very individualistic vs. our need to either not be alone or the hot cheerleader who turns her head our way. And assuming you’re sexually liberated, you’re more able to allow for sexual fluidity in your preference.
Doesn’t mean I can or am willing to part with $5,000 just to meet Mr. or Ms. right, however.