I recently had someone tell me that love isn’t like it is in the movies. That it’s hard. When I read those words it made me sad, because while I’d always viewed relationships to, at times be difficult, the idea that love was hard seemed like a horrible way to view things. Less than a week later I had dinner with someone with which I shared my relationship history. “Love actually isn’t that hard” she told me, as if she somehow knew the discussion I’d had just days previously.
I’m going to make a bold declaration and say that love is what you make of it. We decide how we view things. We have the power to control how we react and respond, and we can choose what touches our hearts and what we focus our minds and memories on.
I’ve had my heart broken, just the same as many of you readers. Not just by lovers but friends and by family. It’s easy to be sad. It might even be easy to be so consumed by bitterness that it clouds your perceptions of what love can be. I know it’s further enhanced my inability to trust someone.
But can the fallout of a relationship be so damaging that it forever destroys your ability to see the fireworks and smell the roses? I’m going to be the jackass that has the balls to say if that’s the case you’re just being lazy. And I say this as someone for whom it took 5 years to get back on the relationship horse.
It’s hard to get past the hurt. The cliche about scars does, it turns out, hold true. Maybe that’s the part about love being difficult; working through your issues, fighting past the fear, being willing to trust someone with your deepest thoughts and emotions. But love, the kind that lasts forever, really does have the capacity to move you in ways that Bogie and Bergman would give a nod to.
How? It isn’t some magical spell, it’s just learning to let go. Let go of the fear. Let go of the bitterness. Let go of little things that bug you like how he snaps at you every time he knows he’s wrong or she has atrocious table manners. She may not be “the one” and he might not be “price charming” but when you find that person that makes you feel like you’re good together – let the other things go and only focus on the moments that bring you joy. Then it really will be like what’s in the movies, because the fireworks as the music swells is all you’ll ever remember.
The power of positive thinking, my friends… it’s hard, but the bitterness and sadness will kill everything that is beautiful and wonderful every time.