Tag Archives: men

Having It Both Ways: How not to get a girl with your opening line

Having It Both Ways: How not to get a girl with your opening line

Read more here about the Having It Both Ways project. 

Today’s lesson is a special one.  The opener.  When you message some girl on a random personals site is the first thing she sees because… well… chances are your photo is probably too small.  But more than that the first thing she sees is important is your opening line.  If that opening line sucks then its game over.  An example of a bad line is one I got today:

“So how do I go about meeting you?”

So I tweeted about what a bad line it is and said that I wanted to ask the guy “Really?  This is your opening line?”  And then I decided that I would just say that.  Why not, right?!  He responded:

“Lately, the normal openings don’t seem to be getting attention.”

I responded asking what was normal.  His Response:

“Hello. How are you. You look pretty. Stuff like that. I barely get any response with stuff like that.”

So I responded to him – in efforts to help … really.  You gotta come up with a better opening line!  Here’s what you do if you should find yourself in this position… ever….. Look at the girl’s profile and find something that stands out. Don’t go to looks right away – girls hate that. Just because she has nice breasts or is wearing a slutty outfit doesn’t mean she wants some dude to be all up in her “looks” that’s likely just to draw in someone to their profile. Women like that get responses talking about how they look all the time.

So show you’re goal is to not be that guy and did your homework. Glance through the profile and find something. “I really loved the latest Batman movie but I felt like it didn’t hold a candle to the previous one. Saw you liked superhero movies so I thought I’d ask your thoughts. Best wishes, XXX” Or maybe “I saw that you have a photo taken at the Botanical Gardens – the Hershorn is one of my favorite museums in Washington have you had an opportunity to check it out?”

Think outside the box – but individualize it.

His response…..?

“I see you’re into movies. It doesn’t appear to be the same kind of movies, but similar. You live where there is a lot of history, as do I. I’m sure that alone gives us something to talk about. It may not be your normal conversation, but it’s our start.”

Hey… at least he tried right?

Best pick up line according to my mom’s friend LaDonna to a total stranger with all of his buddies around – TOTAL STRANGER when she was a little… er… um… intoxicated: “So um… how come you didn’t wake me up this morning before you left?”  The dude kept saying “No no!  That wasn’t me!” But it didn’t matter… the damage to his cred with his surrounding buddies was already done.  HILARIOUS!

Having it Both Ways: Oh the things men say on the internet

Having it Both Ways: Oh the things men say on the internet

Lot has been going on at work this week so I haven’t had a lot of time for dating or working the profiles.  That said, I do have my first data ala Mixology with “the librarian” on Aug 3rd.  Part of me wants to livetweet it – but I’ll refrain out of respect for her.

What I have done is collect a number of messages, comments, and emails from folks that are too good not to share.  This is a list of things people ACTUALLY SENT ME on a personals site, social networking site, or commented.

  • “Did I lose you, my dear? What a shame. You could have made the best late night company…” (Received this after I stopped responding)
  • “Well so far I am have NOT been comprised, although I wouldn’t say that about any of my past lovers. Delish!”  (I don’t think he means to use the word “comprised” here)
  • “I’m a fan of Midwestern girls…” (I’ll bet you are)
  • “Kittens and pie eh?  I hope you don’t put kittens IN pie…..” (reference to my profile on OKCupid that says at the end I also like kittens and pie)
    “Do you find me attractive and would you let me kiss you when the time is right?” (really?  this is what you open with?)
  • “Never before in my life has a picture of sprinkles on ice cream made me so interested in fucking the woman eating the ice cream.” (Is it wrong I actually really loved this one?)
  • “damn girl! you look stunning! didn’t know I had sexy ass neighbors like ya on here :)” (the smiley face makes it ….. ok?)
  • ” Hello and good morning beautiful. Please give me a chance. …. your eyes are so beautiful” (I’m wearing sunglasses in the photo)
  • “Be a good girl and call Daddy at (301)XXX-XXX” (Yeah… seriously….)

Having It Both Ways: The Stalker

Having It Both Ways: The Stalker

stalkerNot too long ago I went to a favorite restaurant in my neighborhood that serves yummy steaks.  I’m from Oklahoma… we eat beef.  Plus I’ve been on this insane diet so eating nothing but apples all day and then having a steak and salad for dinner is totally on the plan.  So I met my friend who lives downstairs in my building after work for steak.  We were there most of the night with this server who kept flirting with me and trying to get us to stay longer.  He gave us 2 free glasses of wine, 2 free deserts, and was all over me

You gotta understand – this never happens to me.  My entire life I’ve spent being funny and flirty but never once has a stranger seriously flirted with me like that.  And not once in my life has someone asked me for my number.  Anthony – the server – did.  So I gave it to him.  He started texting me while we were still at the table.  Then came on even stronger.  Then stronger.  Our night was coming to a close as my friend and I had been working all day and it was nearly midnight.  We opted to tab out and walked home.  Anthony called me when he got off after 2am.  I was asleep.  Then again at 3am.  Then again at 4am.  I had to get up at 6….

The next afternoon around 3pm he called again.  Then again at midnight – again at 2am.  This went on for probably a month with me saying to him a few times he was coming on too strong.  Then finally it stopped. My friend told me on gchat the next day “We can never go there again!”  True fact.  And if I’m going upstairs to the Mexican food place – I have to cross across the street to make sure he doesn’t see me.

Moral of this story – don’t give anyone your cell phone number unless you’re ready for them to call you at 2am for a booty call.  At least he finally stopped.  But for a month it was way too much, way too strong, and not what anyone wants.  Let this also be a lesson to men out there.  It’s not ok to call someone after 9pm unless you have the kind of previously established relationship with that person that allows for that.

Having It Both Ways: Accidental Encounters

Having It Both Ways: Accidental Encounters

Meeting by chanceDon’t dismiss the potential of meeting someone by chance.

This morning I was walking to the metro and as I was about to head down the escalator a tall slim African American man raced in front of me down the stairs.  Bless his heart, he had the plastic tag still on the back of the collar of his dress shirt.  I ran after him thinking, OMG he’s probably on his way to his first week of work thinking he’s all fancy in his nice new shirt and little does he know….

So I chase after him through the turnstile and then to the platform and cozy up next to him.  “Hi!” I say to him.  He looks at me like I’m the crazy lady who talks to people when it’s clearly not acceptable rapport to talk to people in Washington.  “So… the plastic tag is still on the collar of the back of your shirt and I thought you might want to know…”  He was embarrassed and immediately grabbed the collar of his lavender shirt.  “Thanks!” he told me.

After he pulled it off I stuck out my hand, “I’m Sarah, do you live in Cleveland Park?” I asked.  “Yeah,” he said.  “Just moved here for a job a few months ago…” he told me.  He was a lawyer at a firm that focused on international law.  He’d spend several months doing an internship after law school at the Hague prior to that and the firm he’d interned at before had hired him on as an associate.  Late 20′s … great smile.  Full of hope and promise.

“I’m Devan” he told me.  “Devan like the oil company?” I asked… a good Oklahoma girl.  “No… Devan… like… the guy you just met at the Metro.”  I smiled.  “Right,” I said.  I was hooked.  We have a date for lunch later this week.