Tonight was another dating first: I got stood up. I think under normal circumstances if this was someone who asked me out and just forgot or flaked or something happened I’m sure the person would have called… But this was a date through Mixology the dating service I paid $2500 for to find me looooove.
Turns out love is a little hard to come by at 7pm on a Sunday night.
I think I’m coming down with another cold or something – I haven’t felt well all day. But straightened my hair, put on makeup and a nice dress, and spent the over-an-hour to schlep to Virginia to meet her for dinner. Prior to this date, I accidentally got an email that was meant for her. It seems she had questions about my femininity. Was I “fem” enough for her standards. The email told her (but actually me) that I was very feminine, wore a dress to the initial interview, had long hair, yada yada. After having such strict requirements, one would hope I was acceptable enough to call the restaurant to tell them she wasn’t coming.
For most people in this situation, I fear it’s a whole different deal. You’re excited to go out with someone you like – he or she finally made a move… etc. in my case I’m lucky; I don’t even know this person. It’s a lot less humiliating than sitting here at this table with Clint Eastwood’s Barack Obama for dinner. So nice for the President to join me. Being the vulnerable dater who took a chance on someone is a lot more difficult than my inconvenience. But if it does happen to you – it seems the Internet search says wait 15 minutes before calling – leave a message saying you’ve arrived and you’re waiting. At 20 minutes – leave. In my case I went all the way across town …. So I was having dinner out whether she showed up or not. So at the 30 Minute mark I ordered dinner. Other sites also recommend you email the person something like “I wanted to make sure you were ok…” just in case it turns out they were hit by the crosstown bus you don’t seem vindictive while they are lying in the hospital wondering if they’ll walk again.
But the reality is – if the person doesn’t respect you enough to show up – why give them a second shot if it’s just laziness or their own lack of calendar juggling. That sets up a whole world of potential disrespect you could face. Run – don’t walk to the nearest exit….. And buy yourself dessert….
When I informally polled my Facebook friends who allowed for friendly lamenting as I sit here enjoying my Maryland Crab Soup by the fire ….. alone…. They offered some acceptable excuses for being stood up on a first date. They include but are not limited to:
- ER visit for themselves or a friend or family member
- A severe head wound causing amnesia
- Their spouse came home unexpectedly
- I think alien abduction is fair. I am pretty sure aliens are the least considerate people regarding schedules.
- And many dear readers who agreed that there really are no good excuses.
I tend to be a patient person. Intense – yes. Demanding – ok. But, I’m always on time and understanding of those who run a few minutes late. Especially in this town, where transportation and or parking can impact the timeliness of any potential dinner, date, or coffee companion.
While I’m inclined to give her another shot, it better be for a reason such as health, well being, or accident, because the whole “I forgot” or “I didn’t feel like it” doesn’t work when you’re paying $2500 for a dating service. This isn’t OKCupid – this is the big leagues – you show up on time or you don’t play ball.