Are you reading my Having It Both Ways series? Does your mother know? You’re so naughty!
So let me just tell you about the highlights of the dates I had this weekend. First, last night was amazing. Mixology set me up with a lovely young woman who graduated from University of Tulsa. She’s from Texas – but absolutely loves Oklahoma and wants so much to move back there. She loves the former Mayor, loves the environment, the cute shops everywhere…. All around loves Tulsa. I mean… how do you not, right?
She was outgoing, expressive, open. I didn’t feel uncomfortable telling her about the blog and how I’d never really asked myself about these relationship questions before and never really thought much about it. So, we talked about those topics. At one point she got up to go to the ladies room and I did a status update on Facebook because sometimes y’all seem to like it when I update you on the status of the date…. and just said – OMG this is the greatest date ever! So she comes back to the table and we exchange information including Facebook and I say “Um.. so… here’s the thing… I just did a status update saying it was an awesome date and you’re amazing” and she laughs and is like “I’m friending you RIGHT NOW” and then of course she comments on it. So I introduced everyone to her. Brett Banditelli joked we broke the 4th wall of the Internet. Either way – it was a great evening and I really hope there are more.
On the other spectrum of the dating world was Geek Dude. Which, honestly I was most excited about (at the time). We met on OKCupid, we’d been talking all week via email and gchat, things were spicing up and getting hot. So we met for lunch, and everything was going well. He said a few weird things - insults wrapped in compliments that were annoying. He listened to my radio thing on Friday night and said something about how I was saying “like” and “um” too much… which I tend to do anyway but I’m sure it’s worse at 1am… So he was talking about how other people find that annoying but he thought it was cute. I brushed it off. There was some conversation about how the GOP is being obstructionist in the Senate and he made a comment about how Democrats were too which is why nothing has happened in the Senate since 2004. Then wouldn’t have any further discussion about it because I disagreed but then later wanted to make sure I knew he wasn’t having the conversation because he didn’t want us to have a disagreement on the first date.
Things escalated when we left the restaurant and walked around the mall. We sat on the top floor on a bench overlooking the food court. His arm was around me and he was stroking my hair and my shoulder. He leaned in to kiss me several times. It was nice. I liked him, I was seriously into it and everything was great. I felt a little uncomfortable because it was in public, and I’m not generally open about public displays of affection like that, but I chalked it up to my lack of experience. But in times like that, the fact is it felt great and I was just going with it. He walked me to the train, kissed me goodbye.
I was exhausted after being up until about 2:30am for the radio show and got up at 8 to get ready for the date, so I went home and literally crashed until a few minutes before I was supposed to meet other friends for dinner and a movie. Didn’t get home until about 11:30pm that evening and fell asleep in my jeans and tshirt I was so tired. The next morning I woke up to an email from Geek Dude that made me a little uncomfortable and it started to feel like things were going to fast. The expectation was that we would sleep together the next weekend. I just wasn’t there yet. It was fun, it was good, I enjoyed it, but this was too soon and for me, trust has to be built before I’m ready to go there.
I emailed him back and told him how I felt and he got angry and sarcastic. I emailed back trying to make it clear that I had a great time, I was absolutely attracted to him but that I’m not really one to just jump in bed with someone. At one point in the exchange he commented that he doesn’t have a hard time getting girls to sleep with him. Not the right thing to say. I’m sure he doesn’t – and if I walked into a bar in a cute dress and flirted with some random dude… I could go home with someone too. Thing is… I don’t do that because that’s not who I am. The fact that someone is comfortable having random sex with someone else so quickly doesn’t bother me, but it also doesn’t impress me, and it certainly doesn’t make me feel compelled to give it up to two weeks after knowing the person.
He continued to get more and more sarcastic and more insults wrapped in compliments appeared. The final one I read as I was waiting for the train to head home from my Sunday date. It was after several exchanges of me trying to explain my feelings and that I wasn’t blaming him for doing anything wrong – it was just that I felt we weren’t there yet. He responded out of the blue with “Yes, I’m having a good weekend. Thanks for asking. It did take me 4 hours to drive home due to traffic but it was worth it.”
This was just too many red flags too fast. I ended up replying “Thank you so so much for the great date on Saturday I really appreciate it and I had a great time. I wish you the best in the future, but this isn’t going to work. I appreciate the enthusiasm though.” By the time I got home he’d unfriended me on all of the social media sites he’d friended me on and unfollowed me on twitter.
I had described what happened to Sprinkles Dude who told me after the first email to cut him loose. But I ended up emailing 50 to ask him if I was wrong and this was perhaps the personality that comes out of typical dominant males. 50 agreed I did the right thing too. At least I have men in my life I can trust who are looking out for me.
The whole thing was very confusing. I felt really bad, because I did absolutely lead him to believe I enjoyed it and I was comfortable. But being comfortable with someone kissing you and touching you and wanting to see them again is different than being comfortable enough to have sex with them – especially invite them to your apartment to spend an extended period of time having sex and other things. I’ve said it before – I just can’t trust someone that fast.