Tag Archives: personal growth

Gay on the Plains: No, I Don’t Want to Marry You

Gay on the Plains: No, I Don’t Want to Marry You

Breaking Hearts in the Heartland

road map

Meandering Paths

We are all on our own journeys, dear reader. We each have our own destination, we each have our own pace, and we’re all just doing our best to keep moving forward. We’re not all barreling along the interstate on a straight line at 80 mph. Instead its more like a meandering web of paths, like the winding, cobbled streets of an ancient European village. The good news is that those paths intersect with one another constantly. The bad news is that those intersections frequently occur at the most inconvenient times.

I mentioned before that I am entering a period of introspection and reflection. I’m working on figuring out what my priorities are for the next few years, and where I want to be. I’ve also mentioned that I am enjoying casual dating. I don’t believe that these two things are totally incongruous, however I’ve discovered that it puts my path on a collision course with a few others.

I recently started an online conversation with a gentleman who lives in a very small town, about an hour from where I live. We hit it off early on and have chatted and texted regularly since. I have been totally up front about where I am in life, and my current aversion to beginning an ongoing romantic relationship with anyone. He has said that he totally relates, because he too is taking some time to work on himself.

And then he’ll ask, “So… how long do you think you’re going to take to work on you before you start thinking about settling down?” Which immediately sets off alarm bells in my head.

hunter

Hunting for a husbear!

I’ll respond, “I really don’t know, but I don’t think that should be important right now. I’m enjoying making new friends, yourself among them. Lets not get ahead of ourselves!”

“No no, I wasn’t! I was just wondering, you know. …So… friends? Plural? Like… how many guys are you talking to? Did you meet them all on Grindr?”

Sigh.

Twice now I’ve had to seriously remind this gentleman that even though he’s great and I’m absolutely enjoying getting to know him, this just isn’t going to go anywhere serious anytime soon. And twice now he’s responded that I’m getting it all wrong, and he’s not at all looking for a relationship, and he just wants to be my friend and keep texting. Constantly texting. And getting just a tiny bit annoyed when time isn’t made for him. We haven’t ever even met in person!

And so, dear reader, I come to you for advice. Can a PrairieGay like me explore casual dating in an upfront and honest way without inadvertently pulling in husband hunters, and inevitably disappointing and frustrating them? Am I treading into ethical waters that bear a closer examination before I proceed further? I’d be very interested in hearing your thoughts in the comments.