Oh the plot thickens! I got another email from The Professor! He doesn’t know my real email address, my full name, what I do, who I work for… pretty much any details about my life are kept incredibly secret from the people I date UNTIL I decide whether or not I actually like them so he has no idea this blog even exists. So it wasn’t in response to this blog that he emailed.
It says basically “I still like you” and “I think we could be great friends and lovers or FWBs [friends with benefits.] This is what I was talking about when I said we’d get the others vibe and go from there.”
XXXX, If we had set this up from the beginning for this to be just about sex then I would have handled it differently and you would have been kept at a much further distance. Now, feelings are involved and I’m not having a fuck buddy that I could develop further feelings for. I’m up to my neck in random men who message me online and want to use me for sex – what I don’t have is someone that I genuinely care about who wants to be a partner as well. You’ve made it clear it will never go there. Why would I waste my time? Why would I ever put myself in a situation where I might fall for someone that I could never be with? For sex? No. I prefer to get that from a place that ensures more emotional safety.
My question to you, dear readers, is what do we do here? Clearly, I’m not going to date this guy. I don’t want to date this guy now. But should I go out with him just to write something fun about it? I’ve loved your responses on Facebook by the way. Particularly the insight that this guy isn’t new. That there are men all over the Beltway who prey on younger women with exactly this purpose in mind. That is just WEIRD.
Second part of this is I got a really rude comment from someone on the previous post that I marked as spam because it was rude. Basically saying that I was a “selfish bitch” because I wanted to do exactly what The Professor has done and screw around and have fun and work on my career. And some day I’m going to wake up and want to have babies just like he does. Here’s the thing… that’s not exactly how it works for women. I mean, clearly this was a man that posted this comment because women know about the whole “child rearing years” thing. If you don’t pop them out by 40 it gets dangerous. Actually it starts getting a little dangerous at 35. And if I DID decide that I wanted that – I don’t need to get married or meet and use a man that is 25-35 to do it. Women, as it turns out… are different… then men are. We don’t need you. Sorry if that’s news. And your age doesn’t matter even if we want you.
I’ll be frank. I don’t want kids. I’ve never wanted kids, it’s not who I am. And people who know me absolutely know and understand that about me. It isn’t selfish to know yourself and realize that you’re not the right person to have a kid simply to pass on your DNA – THAT is selfish. I have no problems dating someone who has children from a previous relationship – but I ain’t gonna be poppin out no babies. Ever. Why is it selfish to not want to have children and just enjoy your life with your partner and your family and friends and their kids? That commenter seems to have a pretty traditional understanding of what a woman’s life is for and I’m a little bit more modern than that. This is what it is to have a choice. To support family planning. To view women as more than a vessel for a man’s spawn. And it turns out that as a person that has a choice (at least I think I still do I haven’t checked the news in a few hours) I have the right to decide what my future looks like.