The End of the World

The End of the World

the-end-timesWrote this for someone – and almost didn’t post it … so I did some editing so I could….

So string theory of course is the idea that at the source of everything there are these strings like fibers that vibrate at specific levels and whatever level they vibrate at determines the makeup of whatever they’re in.  So like – carbon has x number of strings that vibrate at y level… yada yada..  Well M Theory is this idea that there are larger versions of strings called membranes or “brains.”  When you think about the universe these membranes contain our universe and supposedly there are multiple membranes that are all lined up together undulating and squirming around at all times next to each other.  The idea is that when these membranes hit each other it creates such a huge amount of energy – like a collision of two cars that are coming at each other at really high speeds.  The crash has so so so much energy that you get the explosion and the bang of the crash, right?  Just like the collision of the membranes – when they collide the theory is that THAT is what causes the “big bang.”  And feasibly there are multiple “big bangs” happening all the time creating universes that are all over the place. . .

I remember reading Sagan for the first time.  The intersection of philosophy, religion, and science all wrapped up in a nice fictional package.  This is Contact not Cosmos – which is non-fiction. There’s a great chapter at the end of Contact where she’s in the hearing and they’re demanding answers from her and she very emotionally talks about the randomness of the universe.  That we don’t know how it works – we don’t know how things are created.  How weirdly arbitrary hell even accidental things are and yet… how precious and special we all are.  That there is significance – it isn’t just some fantasy we tell ourselves because we can’t deal with the misery of being evolved randomness.  And after millions and millions of years we have evolved so perfectly that I can be sitting here writing to you.  That I could have met someone by chance – and have connected and had such chemistry so flawlessly.  The randomness of that is astounding to me.  That our lives really are just one weird chance after another.  But one decision can bring something so remarkable.  A decision to question everything at an early age determined what amounted to be an entire life of me trying to find answers — trying to understand — needing so much to understand and ask why.  Why are we here?  Why are we the way we are?  Why did I quickly choose politics after my entire life wanting to be a writer and an editor?

And I guess if the end of the world does come, which I doubt it will, maybe there will be another universe created somewhere where it doesn’t end – and there’s a version of me there in a dark corner of the W hotel… an arm around me as I snuggle in … his nose in my hair and lips at my ear whispering….  And in that alternate universe every moment is perfect and the magic in the randomness is savored like an oaky Merlot from the Russian River Valley.  And maybe, just maybe, in that world there is a great sense of peace and understanding – where answers are easy to come by and while we all recognize tragedy and heartbreak, we’re somehow able to appreciate the experiences as they fly by … from the beginning of time right past us into the future… and hold it in our hearts where it doesn’t devour us from the inside out, but instead allows it to beat harder and more powerfully.

If tomorrow was the end its ok, I’m not afraid to die, not because I believe there’s something else or because it would be a transition somehow, but because I’m at peace with it. I’ve seen enough that I’m fine.  I still want more, but I’ll always want more.  I strive for more.  I ache for more and bigger and “let me see” and “but, I want to understand.”  But sometimes I’m pleased enough with the answers I’ve found and the adventure I’ve had trying to find those answers.

2 Responses »

  1. Totally off topic, but this made me remember when we saw Contact at the theatre and that old lady busted out with the “how nice” at the very beginning when the shot pans out past the Earth and into space in complete silence. Still makes me giggle.

    • oh my god I totally forgot about that – we were laughing our asses off – missed like the first 5 minutes of the movie!

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